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"The
Happiness Decision, Part I"
About a year ago, I was sitting around the house watching
TV and pouting about how my life hadn’t taken me where I wanted to be.
I wasn’t exactly financially stable, my son was on medication to
control his ADD, my daughter was repeating third grade due to some learning
difficulties, I was bored in my marriage and I had no career to speak of.
So I decided to look back at my goals and try to figure out where I went
wrong.
Goal #1:
Be a professional artist
During the summer before my senior year in high school, I worked with a man
who refinished furniture. I painted
decorative mirror frames and tables and such.
I didn’t get paid much, but at least I was working.
Over the years, I’ve done freelance portraits for friends and family.
I’ve since started a website and sold original art to patrons at a bar
where I work (see #3).
Goal #2:
Work as an executive assistant
As a kid, I had a fascination with big buildings, power suits and
briefcases. I never really wanted
to be the “head honcho”, but I wanted to be near him. The thought of attending to the CEO’s calendar and writing
memos seemed so glamorous (I blame movies).
With no college degree and few skills, my chances seemed slim.
Undeterred, I started using Microsoft Word and Excel for everything from
the family budget to daily to-do lists. I
spent time in chat rooms to sharpen my typing skills.
If I didn’t know how to do something, I looked it up or asked for help. When I felt that I was ready, I went to a job placement
agency and tested my skills. I
placed at expert level in Word, Excel and PowerPoint (which I had never used
before). I was typing 60 words per
minute with zero errors. This
landed me some administrative assistant and office manager positions.
Picking up additional skills along the way, I finally had the experience
I needed. I worked as an executive
assistant for a copier company for 8 months.
I think I held the record for that position as the CEO was not an easy
man to get along with. I left that
job when they asked me to take on someone else’s position in addition to my
current duties, but they didn’t want to compensate me for it.
It didn’t last long, but I did it.
One more off my list.
Goal #3:
Try my hand at bartending
Disenchanted with the business world and office politics, I thought about
going back to waiting tables. I
hated working lunch shifts and the money was not always what it could be, so I
wasn’t very excited at the prospect. One
day, I received an e-mail from someone I had met through an event I attended
stating that he needed bartenders for the bar he had opened about a year prior.
I replied right away and started the next week.
I had absolutely no bartending experience and didn’t even know the
difference between whiskey and bourbon. (Why
he hired me remains a mystery.) What
I did have is people skills and the ability to learn quickly.
After several years of working in the food service industry, I knew how
to handle patrons and juggle several customers at once.
I’ve memorized menus and ingredients.
Making drinks couldn’t be much harder, right?
Luckily, the majority of the orders were for beer or simple
two-ingredient cocktails. The rest,
I’ve learned along the way. I
still work there one or two nights a week and I have a blast.
It doesn’t even feel like work. It’s
more like getting paid to have a party. I
don’t think I could ever leave the family that I have there.
Goal #4:
Work as a professional model
Growing up, I was not exactly one of the “pretty ones”.
I wasn’t ugly exactly, but I had no sense of style and even less
confidence. Until high school, I
would never even wear sandals because I was ashamed of the way my feet looked
(they are perfectly normal feet). My chest was flat as a board and no one let me forget it.
After the birth of my second child, I lost what little I had in that area
and felt even less attractive that before.
Listening to the radio one day, I heard about a contest with the local
morning show to win a breast augmentation.
Going at it with full force, I entered…and won!
It was probably the worst pain I’ve felt in my life, but I would do it
again in a heartbeat. For the first
time in my life, I felt like a woman and I wanted everyone to know it.
I started taking an interest in fashion, styling my hair and wearing
flattering makeup. I felt that I
was worth looking good. My attitude
changed and I felt pretty. I had my
husband take some snapshots of me and I realized that I didn’t look half bad.
Submitting them to some online modeling websites, I started getting
contacted by photographers who wanted to work with me.
I did several shoots over the course of about a year and a half and I had
a lot of fun. It was exhausting work and I discovered that it just wasn’t
for me. Besides, I’m too short
and not attractive enough to make it a career.
The pictures I have will last me the rest of my life and serve to remind
me that I have the right to allow myself to feel beautiful.
Goal #5:
Sing in front of a crowd of people
Okay, so I’m not the next Barbra Streisand, but I can carry a tune.
I know I’m never going to be a famous singer and I don’t think I’d
want the added stress and responsibility anyway.
However, I love to sing and have a lot fun with it.
So I bought a used karaoke machine at a pawn shop and ordered a few CDs.
Armed with about 300 songs, I asked the owner of the bar where I work if
I could host a karaoke night at the bar. He
said sure, and the rest is history. I
now own a professional system and have almost 9,000 songs (adding more all the
time). I’ll take the system to
friend’s parties, but the bar is the only place where I run it professionally.
At first, I got terrible stage fright and would shake so hard that I had
a natural vibrato when I sang. Now,
I’ll sing anything you put in front of me and I’ll have give it my all no
matter how many notes I miss. It’s
fun. And I plan to keep it that way
by not doing it too often. It’s
not Broadway, but it’s all I need.
Goal #6:
Own my own house
My husband and I had lived in a string of apartments and rental houses,
moving every year or so for one reason or another.
Shortly after 9-11, we both lost our jobs and couldn’t find work
anywhere. We could no longer afford
the rental where we were living and had no savings to fall back on.
My mother smoked and had pets (I’m allergic to both).
My in-laws didn’t have room for us and our two children.
Same for my dad. We had
nowhere to go. We bottled up our
pride and approached the Salvation Army. We
stayed in a homeless shelter for three months (we were there over Thanksgiving
and Christmas). We were devastated,
but it was our only choice. The
kids enjoyed staying in the same room with us and having other kids to play
with. They showed us that it
wasn’t so bad after all. John
found a good job and we ended up moving out and into a beautiful apartment,
purchasing a new (to me anyway) car and putting the kids in private school.
A year and a half later, we purchased our house.
It needs some work, but it’s ours.
In a matter of less than two years, we had come from being homeless to
being homeowners.
There are many other items that I haven’t listed, but you
get the idea. Looking back over my
list, I was shocked to realize that I had done everything I set out to do.
So why wasn’t I happy? Sure,
some things had happened a little differently than I expected, but they
happened, didn’t they? Then it
hit me. All this time, I’d been waiting for something to come along
and make me happy. And it never
did. It was up to me to be happy.
Happiness doesn’t come in a box from Fed Ex.
It doesn’t fall out of the sky. It’s
something you have to decide to do. Happiness
is a decision. I reviewed my list
and looked at my life and thought to myself, “What do I have to be unhappy
about?” I have so much more at 30
than my parents have ever had. I’ve
done things that I never thought I could do.
I have a roof over my head, food on the table and a family that loves me.
Everything else is just extra.
I made the decision that day to be happy. I
won’t say that I don’t have bad days. Who
doesn’t? But without those days, I wouldn’t have anything to gauge
my happiness on. When I do start
feeling a little down in the dumps, I think, “This is normal. I’ll allow myself to feel this pain or sadness right now.
Tomorrow, I’ll move on and feel better.
This is only temporary.” And
I get through it. And tomorrow is
better. Better than ever before.
I accomplished more in my life than I ever expected.
Armed with my newfound happiness and confidence, I started a new list.
After all, if I can do all of those things in less than thirty years,
imagine what I can do in the next thirty!
I only have three rules for myself.
1. I don’t have to stick
to the list. If I fail at
something, or change my mind, so what? In
100 years, no one is going to care that I never got to go skydiving or that my
soufflé always deflated. What does
matter is that I focus on what I want and
I give it a try. 2.
Don’t get overwhelmed by worrying about how long or how many steps it
will take to accomplish. Just take
baby steps. Do a little each day to
move closer to my goal, even if it’s a simple as writing down a website that
may help me out. 3.
Keep a good sense of humor about myself.
This is probably the most important rule of all.
It’s okay to laugh at myself when things don’t go as planned.
Life is all about the unexpected and how you deal with it.
You have to face those things with a positive attitude or else you’ll
get stuck in a rut. Here are a few of the things I’m working on now:
New Goal #1:
Become a well-recognized artist
I’m getting ready to start selling my art at art fairs and festivals.
The start-up equipment is very expensive, but I knew that I could figure
out a way to make it happen. Picking
up extra shifts at the bar and cutting out some restaurant visits made it come
together. With a ton of trial and
error, I’ve beefed up my website. I’ve
never done one before, so I knew it would be a challenge.
It was a little scary, but I knew I would be able to figure it out.
I’m still learning more every day, but I’m happy with what I’ve
been able to do. I’m well on my
way.
New Goal # 2:
Create lasting memories for my children
Looking around the house (and my mother’s house and my grandmother’s
house), I realized that I had too much stuff.
At Christmas and during birthdays, I never quite know what to get all the
people I know who also have too much stuff.
I made a decision to stop giving “stuff” (unless I know that the
person can really use it) and to start giving “experiences”.
I’ve asked others to do the same for me.
Each Christmas, my in-laws give us season’s passes to Six Flags.
Last Christmas, I took my friends and family to Medieval Times (a local
dinner/show) as their gift. For
Christmas this year, I’ve rented a house in Colorado for everyone (they have
to find their own way there). I’ve
already told the kids that this is their gift and not to expect presents to
unwrap. They are thrilled and
can’t wait. The memories that
I’m making with my family are worth more to me and will last longer than
anything you could fit in a box.
New Goal #3: Travel
Expanding on #2, I want to see more of the world.
I’ve never had the chance to travel as much as I’d like and money has
been always been tight. It became apparent that I would have to make some changes if
I wanted to make this dream a reality. Unable
to make the extra money by bartending, I decided to go back to a “real job”.
I found an administrative assistant job near home and started bringing in
a regular paycheck. I still work
one night a week at the bar, run karaoke night and show my artwork.
These things combined keep me from getting bored and afford me a little
extra. I did lose the chance to be
at home when the kids got out of school and to attend class parties and the
like, but it was worth it. So far
this year, I’ve gone to Galveston with my family (the first time the kids have
seen the ocean) and San Antonio with some of my best girlfriends.
We are planning on going to Pennsylvania for my brother-in-law’s
wedding and spending Christmas in Colorado.
I’m already saving to go to Disney World in September of next year.
I’ve never been. I can’t
wait.
New Goal #4:
Have an article published in a magazine
I’ve always thought I could write, but never really sat down and done it.
I know I don’t have the patience to write a book, but I’ve had some
killer ideas. I’ll settle for a
page or two in a magazine. The
topic of this article is something that I am passionate about.
It’s also something I wish I’d read when I was young and depressed. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken me so long to make the
decision to be happy. If I can make
a difference in one person’s life, I will have fulfilled a dream, small though
it may be. Simply by writing this,
I’ve already done it...by making a difference in my own life.
If you want something in life bad enough, you will find a
way to make it happen. I'm living proof of that. A good example is a
guy who wrote a book on the American Dream. I don't recall his name or the
name of the book, but it's a great story. This guy read a book by a man
stating that the American Dream is no longer achievable. He decided to put
this to test by getting rid of everything he owned and walking out with only the
clothes on his back. He was homeless and had nothing. Over the
course of about a year (I think), he managed to get a job and save up enough to
get a small house. Nothing is impossible except that which you believe is
impossible.
The bottom line is that if you can't be happy with what you
have now, you will never be happy. So stop waiting for something to come
along and make it happen. It is up to you to make the decision to be
happy! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be happy.
Look at your life. You’ve done more than you know!
Every little accomplishment is an opportunity to celebrate.
Don’t expect too much from yourself, and know that there is no shame in
failure if you’ve tried your hardest. Have
fun. Take care of yourself.
Be an example for your children, your friends and your family.
You’ll love yourself for it. :)
-Shelly
"The
Happiness Decision, Part II"
coming soon!
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